The Great Scattering: Why Friendships Change and What No One Tells You About It

I was listening to a podcast recently and a single word hit me like a lightning bolt:

Scattering.

It was used to describe how friendships change over the years — how people drift, not always because they want to, but because life gently (or not so gently) pulls them in different directions.

And suddenly, it all made sense.

We don’t talk about it much — this slow unraveling of closeness.

But when I heard that word, I felt a wave of recognition.

Let me explain.

When we’re young, friendship feels easy.

We’re surrounded by people every single day — classmates, teachers, after-school clubs, birthday parties, sleepovers, summer holidays.

We’re in a concentrated environment of shared experiences.

Friendships are almost a given.

Then we move through secondary school, maybe on to college or university. Still surrounded. Still busy. Still invited.

Friendship flows naturally because the setup allows it to.

But then comes work.

And this, as the podcast called it, is the first scattering.

You go from spending time every day with dozens of people your age, to working in an office or warehouse or shop floor with maybe a handful of others — none of whom you’d necessarily choose as friends.

The concentration breaks.

The ease of friendship shifts.

From there, the scattering continues.

People get into serious relationships.

Suddenly, their spare time isn’t as spare.

Then engagements.

Weddings take up all the attention, time, and energy.

Then babies.

Which come with whole new routines, priorities, responsibilities — and circles.

Their world changes, and yours does too.

And often, without malice or intention, the connection starts to thin out.

Some scatterings are gentle.

You lose touch for a while, but find your way back — those are the friendships rooted in deep mutual understanding.

But others?

They just… fade.

And it hurts.

I used to wonder if it was me.

Had I done something wrong?

Was I not enough anymore?

Why did they seem to want my company before, but not now?

It’s only recently that I realised:

It wasn’t personal. It was scattering.

And no one teaches you how to navigate that.

No one explains that it’s part of life — a rhythm we’re all moving through, whether we realise it or not.

We misread the silence.

We make assumptions.

And sometimes, instead of reaching out, we pull away too — convinced we’ve been left behind.

So why am I sharing this with you?

Because I wish someone had told me.

I wish someone had explained the scattering so I could understand it, instead of feeling confused or abandoned by it.

I wish I’d known to build different kinds of friendships —

Not just a tight-knit group of one or two, but a village of people for different seasons and reasons.

The friend you call for a deep conversation.

The one you message memes to.

The one you go on adventures with.

The one who always shows up with wine and biscuits.

Because if (and when) one friend scatters, your whole world doesn’t crumble.

But mostly, I wish I’d known how to have the conversation.

To say:

“I know life is changing. I know things won’t be the same. But I still value you, and I don’t want to lose what we have. Can we find a way to stay connected, even if it looks different now?”

Imagine how many friendships might have been saved with a conversation like that.

Imagine how much less lonely we’d all feel if we understood that this is part of the journey — not a failure, not a rejection, just change.

So here’s what I want to leave you with:

Friendships will shift. People will scatter. But that doesn’t have to mean the end.

If this resonates with you — if you’ve felt that ache of disconnection, that silent wondering if you’re the only one feeling it — you’re not alone.

It’s okay to grieve the closeness that was.

It’s okay to reach out and try again.

It’s okay to make new friends, even now.

And it’s okay to recognise that maybe, just maybe, nothing is wrong with you.

This is life.

This is change.

This is the great scattering.

And with understanding, comes healing.

Love x Elena